Ever since I was a child, I’ve felt a deeply rooted calling to a purposeful life, a beckoning to something (or someone) much greater than myself. Looking back at my childhood, my earliest, and most vivid, memories are consistently centered around profound spiritual experiences.
Now, let me clarify- I could not understand, as a child, a “duty” given to me by a willful God; but, I certainly had an “attunement” with Him, and His divinity, that stirred within me.
Through every stage of my life, I’ve witnessed and have been moved by the amazing power of Jesus Christ. Apart from reoccurring religious dreams as a child, to being kidnapped and the voice of God guiding my family to finding me, as well as the numerous other experinces my family and I have been witness to; the most pure and life altering moment was when I first found Christ; through my own desire and choice.
I can clearly recall, at a very young age, attending a children’s service at the church my brother’s girlfriend was a member of at the time. The sermon that night was simple yet clear, and I knew what was next: an invitation to Jesus to enter my life as my Lord and Savior. I remember closing my eyes and reciting the prayer in my head for Jesus to enter my life, and in an instant, I was forever changed. I don’t know how it all happened but when I finally opened by eyes, I found myself at the foot of the alter, down on my hands and knees, with tears flowing endlessly, crying out to an unseen redeemer.
Obviously, these types things happen every day… people of all ages, races, and backgrounds are called, daily, to a loving Savior. That’s just the power of an amazing God- to humbly call hundreds of his lost sheep, back to their Shepard.
But to experience this outpouring of love, to feel His presence washing over me from head to toe, to be brought down to my knees as a child and remade completely His… that is something that I will never let go; something I can only hope to one day help bring to others.
To this day, I still don’t know whether it was me running to God -or God running through me, that drew me to that alter. Just maybe, it was a little bit of both… but either way, I was undeniably compelled to move by the presence of the Holy Spirit that night.
I’m obviously older now, and up until this point, I’d like to say that I’ve lived a full life. There were periods where I strayed from God, His Word, and His promises to me, followed by a summoning back to his grace.
As intentionally imperfect human beings, this is just the typical relationship we will have with Him. We know that each day there will be a constant battle within ourselves to glorify the name of Jesus Christ, but one which we will never be forsaken for; because our Lord is forgiving, loving, and kind. There is a reason we call Him The Redeemer and there is a reason we lift both our troubles and praises to Him. It’s because it is He who guides us to the places where we will be found, and ultimately found in Him.
These past 4 years of my life have been so incredibly trialing, yet marvelous, that I’ve almost given up trying to explain it to anyone on the outside, because of the difficulty putting into words how greatly I have been blessed. Yes, I’ve been beaten down, dragged around, and am slightly tarnished; but I have ultimately flourished, and have literally been molded, at the Lord’s will, into the person that, I believe, the Lord desires me to be most.
It is He who is calling me now, to begin a different journey and a new life with Him. It is He who has ripped me- mind, body, and soul from the people, places, and things with which I have come to know and love. It is not because of my own choosing, but His, that I will take this blind leap into the unknown, so that I may continue to grow in Him. I believe God still has a wonderful purpose for me -for my loved ones, something much greater than can even be fathomed. I truly believe that up until now, I have merely been developing in His will for the greater good He has in store for me- and the things he wants of me.
I can’t be sure of the struggles that I will come to face on this road, or of the endurance and strength that will be demanded from me. I can only be sure that there is a will, and an unconditional love working in the hands of my Creator that will guide me through it all. And in that alone, I find comfort and reassurance that I can do no wrong, so long as I continuously seek to please and love my God.
I’m leaving the shackles of my comfort behind and delving into a future I can’t fully see. It’s still hard to tell whether it was me running towards God- or God running through me- that brought me to this conviction. Maybe, just maybe, it’s a little bit of both. But once again, I am finding myself completely compelled to move and be moved by the presence of the Holy Spirit.